Today I Am Wearing:

Very distressed to discover that my (most recent*) pride-and-joy-super-most-treasured-possession-ever, my thigh-high black suede boots, have been reduced from a bank-crunching £200 to  a very respectable "oh go on, that's only the cost of a few nights out**" £80. This distresses me for two reasons:


#1: The Obvious
They cost me £200. 
Almost all of my manic forays into retail therapy*** seem to result in the age-old Guilt-Fabulous Cycle ("These are far, far too expensive. I must deprive myself of basic essentials such as (a) food and (b) toothpaste so as to make up for this reckless purchase" followed by "But they are so fabulous! I shall wear them always! When I wear them, I am sure that I look (a) rich and (b) sophisticated - I must protect this illusion as all costs! Rich and sophisticated people like me need to eat expensive food and use expensive toothpaste. I had better invest in both. Immediately" followed by "This toothpaste is far, far too expensive. I should probably not pay my rent this week. Just in case.") which is greatly exacerbated by my fresh guilt at having paid £200 for something that is so clearly only worth £80.


#2: The Hinted-At
The boots have now been marked down by a whopping £120. The basic laws of supply and demand tell us that no one wanted to buy these boots in the first place. I find this almost as insulting as when my boss referred to them as my "Prostitute Boots" and suggested that if I failed to make the company any money this month that he might "pimp me out"***. 




*because let's face it, the Object of My Affections changes almost hourly
**provided that I get very drunk and therefore descend into my habitual "despite the fact that I am clinging to this bar for dear life in case I find myself on the floor for the 22nd time this evening, I am definitely going to buy more drinks" mode
***I'm not quite sure what I require therapy for, but I am pretty sure that the only remedy is to apply New Things liberally about my person
****note to self: do not under any circumstances combine thigh-high boots, an ultra short skirt and a fur coat in a professional setting lest you be mistaken for a economy-class escort. Unless you are one. In which case, this will probably boost revenue considerably.