Today I Am Wearing:

Today I Am NOT Wearing

Object of Lust #4: 
See by Chloe scalloped jersey dress, £195. 

Today I Am Wearing:

Today I am obsessed with: The Rachel Zoe Project season 3. I know, I know. I'm a bit slow jumping back on the Zoe bandwagon (the series was on TV in about August?). But I've been busy. And now I am back to being obsessed. It's ba-nanas.


Update: friends and family members alike are somewhat less than thrilled to be met with a Rachel Zoe revival. Apparently, repeated exclamations of "I. Die." and "Ohmygod. That is BA-NANAS", particularly when combined with the requisite (and very poor) imitation of a Californian drawl and flamboyantly emphatic hand gestures, are not conducive to Holiday Rest*. 


Idiot blood relatives aside, the rest of us need to embrace the madness that is RZP. She is so awful that she somehow manages to loop back on herself and become fabulous. And, of course, she comes with a matching Brad**. I die.

ps. Ok. I told a lie. I don't own the Alexander Wang Diego bag. I don't even own the £750 needed to own it. But if I did, I'd be rocking it today.


*In a similar vein, repeatedly screeching "I whip my hair back and forth" and accompanying said screech with a limb-flail that can only be described as epileptic chicken-esque before collapsing into a heap of drunken giggles does NOT ensure a successful day of Christmas merriment. Who knew? My sister and I employed this technique for a good five rounds before our festive hair-whipping actually broke my grandfather's hearing aid. We laughed. He didn't.


**UPDATE: so, it turns out that I am far more behind the times than previously thought. According to The Internet, Brad "absolute MUST HAVE addition to my friend repertoire" Goreski has LEFT the RZP.  Ohmygod (or, my current favourite: Shut. The Front. Door).

Today I Am Wearing:

Excellent news: second favourite-thing-in-the-world-ever, my platform ankle boots, have so far NOT been reduced in the sale. Awesome.


On a related note: do not recommend combining 5-inch heels, icy roads and an over zealous strut down the road with the path of oncoming cars. It's embarrassing.

Today I Wish I Was Wearing...

Today I Am NOT Wearing

Object of Lust: #3

Marc Jacobs Silk Cape:  I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE. Unfortunately, I also need the £445 that it costs if I wish to continue enjoying such (frankly, frivolous) pleasures as eating on a regular basis and not living on the street.

Today I Am Wearing:

Very distressed to discover that my (most recent*) pride-and-joy-super-most-treasured-possession-ever, my thigh-high black suede boots, have been reduced from a bank-crunching £200 to  a very respectable "oh go on, that's only the cost of a few nights out**" £80. This distresses me for two reasons:


#1: The Obvious
They cost me £200. 
Almost all of my manic forays into retail therapy*** seem to result in the age-old Guilt-Fabulous Cycle ("These are far, far too expensive. I must deprive myself of basic essentials such as (a) food and (b) toothpaste so as to make up for this reckless purchase" followed by "But they are so fabulous! I shall wear them always! When I wear them, I am sure that I look (a) rich and (b) sophisticated - I must protect this illusion as all costs! Rich and sophisticated people like me need to eat expensive food and use expensive toothpaste. I had better invest in both. Immediately" followed by "This toothpaste is far, far too expensive. I should probably not pay my rent this week. Just in case.") which is greatly exacerbated by my fresh guilt at having paid £200 for something that is so clearly only worth £80.


#2: The Hinted-At
The boots have now been marked down by a whopping £120. The basic laws of supply and demand tell us that no one wanted to buy these boots in the first place. I find this almost as insulting as when my boss referred to them as my "Prostitute Boots" and suggested that if I failed to make the company any money this month that he might "pimp me out"***. 




*because let's face it, the Object of My Affections changes almost hourly
**provided that I get very drunk and therefore descend into my habitual "despite the fact that I am clinging to this bar for dear life in case I find myself on the floor for the 22nd time this evening, I am definitely going to buy more drinks" mode
***I'm not quite sure what I require therapy for, but I am pretty sure that the only remedy is to apply New Things liberally about my person
****note to self: do not under any circumstances combine thigh-high boots, an ultra short skirt and a fur coat in a professional setting lest you be mistaken for a economy-class escort. Unless you are one. In which case, this will probably boost revenue considerably.

Today I Wish I Was Wearing...

Today I Am Actually Wearing:

(I'm not proud of this)

I am attempting a wild foray into blogging. Desired outcome: world dominance precipitated by the procurement of several million dotcom dollars and the establishment of a monopoly over ALL CULTURE. Likely outcome: number of followers remains unchanged from current (zero).